didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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