just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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