I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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