Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
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sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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