drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
