no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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