I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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