Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
