We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
