my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
