The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
