just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
