Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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