her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We left the knife in your bed.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
