I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
