I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
