You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
be right there i have to get my cape
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
