she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
