Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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