I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
