She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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