Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
