theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
