ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
