i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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