even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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