coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
