I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
3 2 1 whiskey
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
