no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
