Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
foreskin is a definite game changer
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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