dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
