i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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