Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
