Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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