I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
