It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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