She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize