What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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