But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
