two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
