I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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