yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
