Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
