it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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