He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
