It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
