he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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