FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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