just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
