Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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