I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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