when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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