I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
