Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
