i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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