Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
