And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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