Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
