I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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