Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
