If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
